Sometimes it isn't the change itself that's unsettling. It's the space the change creates.
If you've found yourself wondering why your young person seems a little different since the school holidays began, you're probably not the only parent or carer asking that question.
As another school year comes to an end, I've found myself reflecting on what this time of year can mean for young people. After months of early mornings, homework, revision, clubs, exams and the general busyness of school life, it's easy to imagine that the holidays will simply bring rest, freedom and a chance to recharge.
For many young people, that's exactly what happens.
For others, however, the picture can look rather different. Parents and carers may begin to notice changes they weren't expecting. Their young person sleeps until lunchtime, spends more time in their bedroom, seems quieter than usual, becomes more irritable or simply doesn't seem quite themselves. It's completely understandable that this leaves the adults around them wondering what has changed.
No two young people experience school in quite the same way
One thing I've come to appreciate through working with young people is that no two experiences of school are quite the same. For some, school provides routine, friendships, opportunities and a sense of belonging. For others, simply getting through the school day can require an enormous amount of emotional energy. They may be navigating friendship difficulties, bullying, academic expectations, social pressures, feeling misunderstood or simply trying to fit in. For some, school doesn't always feel like an emotionally safe place to be.
By the time the holidays arrive, they may not simply be ready for a break.
They may be ready to recover.
Alongside this, many young people are also carrying thoughts about what comes next. Some may be wondering what secondary school will be like after leaving the familiarity of primary school. Others suddenly realise that moving into Year 11 makes GCSEs feel much closer. Some have finished their GCSEs and are waiting for results while beginning to think about sixth form, college, apprenticeships or work. Others are preparing to leave sixth form or college and wondering where life will take them next. Even those returning to the same school in September are stepping into another stage of their development, with new expectations, new challenges and new experiences ahead of them.
The holidays don't pause growing up
Young people don't stop developing because the school term has ended. They continue to change, adapt and make sense of themselves and the world around them. The holidays don't pause that process; sometimes they simply create more room for it to be noticed.
School offers much more than education. It provides rhythm, familiarity, people to see, places to be and countless small distractions from thoughts and feelings that may have been quietly sitting beneath the surface. When that familiar rhythm changes, life often becomes a little quieter. For some young people, that quieter space allows them to rest and recover. For others, it creates room for worries about friendships, uncertainty about September or feelings they haven't quite found the words to express. Sometimes, it creates space for both.
Looking beyond the behaviour
As a parent, I know how quickly worry can turn into problem-solving. When we see someone we love behaving differently, it's completely natural to want to make sense of it and, if we can, make it better. My own mind can quickly begin searching for explanations. Should they be getting out more? Should they spend less time on their phone? Should they be seeing their friends more?
Working as a counsellor has gently encouraged me to slow down and become curious about what might be happening beneath the behaviour. Not because the behaviour should be ignored, but because I've learnt that what we notice on the outside is only one part of a much bigger picture.
One young person may simply be catching up on weeks of missed sleep after a demanding term. Another may be emotionally recovering from months of holding everything together. Others may already be worrying about September or quietly enjoying having nowhere they need to be for the first time in months.
Alongside all of this, young people are still discovering who they are. They're working out where they fit, making sense of friendships, becoming more independent and trying to understand emotions that don't always make sense yet. They don't always have the words to explain what they're experiencing, which can make it difficult for the adults around them to understand it too.
Holding more than one possibility
None of this means that every change in behaviour should simply be explained by the school holidays. Sometimes young people do need additional support, and if changes feel persistent, significantly different from what you would usually expect, or your instincts tell you something isn't quite right, it's important to take those concerns seriously.
At the same time, not every young person who spends longer in bed, needs more time alone or seems quieter than usual is struggling in the same way. Sometimes needing a little more space can be part of recovering after months of emotional, social and academic demands. Sometimes the holidays simply provide the breathing space they haven't had during term time.
Being curious doesn't mean never feeling frustrated, worried or unsure. Those responses are human too, particularly when someone we love seems different. Curiosity simply gives us another way of looking before we rush to explain what we're seeing.
A final reflection
The longer I spend working alongside young people, the more I'm reminded that behaviour is often the beginning of the conversation rather than the conclusion.
As parents and carers, it's completely understandable that we notice the behaviour first. It's often where our worry begins.
Perhaps, alongside that worry, there is room for one more question.
I wonder what might be happening for them right now?
We may not always know the answer immediately. We won't always get it right. But perhaps, before we rush to fix, explain or make sense of what we're seeing, we can allow ourselves a moment of gentle curiosity.
Sometimes that small shift is enough to help a young person feel seen.
Because sometimes it isn't the change itself that's unsettling. It's the space the change creates.