Always Feeling ‘Not Good Enough’? What Might Be Going On?
Do you ever find yourself wondering, “Why do I never feel good enough, no matter what I do?”
Perhaps you achieve things, try your hardest, or receive praise, yet still, there’s a quiet (or sometimes loud) voice inside that says, “You should be doing better,” or even, “You are not good enough.”
If that feels familiar, you are not alone. In my counselling work with both young people and adults, this feeling comes up again and again. It is not a flaw in your personality. More often, it is a belief you have learned over time but it can be gently unlearned.
Where Does the Belief “I Am Not Good Enough” Come From?
That belief does not come from nowhere. For many, it begins in childhood or adolescence, shaped by subtle or not so subtle messages about what makes someone acceptable, lovable, or successful.
These messages might come from:
- Unrealistic expectations from parents, carers, or teachers
- Constant comparison with siblings, classmates, or people online
- A lack of emotional support, warmth, or validation while growing up
- Bullying or trauma that undermined your sense of safety and worth
Over time, we internalise these experiences and begin to form beliefs about ourselves. Carl Rogers, the founder of person-centred therapy, described this as developing conditions of worth the idea that we are only valued if we meet certain conditions, such as being helpful, achieving highly, or never making mistakes.
How Low Self-Worth Affects Your Mental Health
When you do not believe you are enough as you are, it creates inner tension. You might feel a constant need to do more, be better, or avoid failure at all costs. This pressure can take its toll and lead to:
- Perfectionism and fear of making mistakes
- Social anxiety and worrying what others think of you
- Burnout from pushing yourself too hard
- Overthinking and replaying conversations or decisions
These patterns are exhausting, and over time they can keep the cycle going, reinforcing the idea that you are not quite measuring up no matter how much you try.
Five Steps to Start Feeling “Good Enough”
Changing these beliefs takes time, patience, and kindness towards yourself. But it is possible. Here are a few gentle and practical steps to begin shifting that internal narrative:
- Notice Your Inner Critic
Begin by tuning in to the voice in your mind. Is it kind or critical? Would you speak to someone you care about in the same way?
Awareness is the first step to making meaningful change.
- Challenge the Rules You Have Inherited
Ask yourself: Whose standards am I trying to meet? Are they fair? Are they even mine?
Many of us carry beliefs we never consciously chose. It is okay to question them and choose new, more compassionate ones that reflect who you are today.
- Practise Self-Compassion
When you make a mistake or feel like you are not doing enough, try responding with gentleness instead of judgement.
You are human. You are allowed to be imperfect.
Research shows that self-compassion helps us grow and change more effectively than harsh self-criticism. Even small acts of kindness towards yourself can begin to shift how you feel inside.
- Limit the Comparison Trap
Social media offers us a polished glimpse into other people’s lives but it is just that: a glimpse. A carefully selected, filtered moment that does not tell the full story.
It is easy to compare our everyday reality with someone else's highlight reel and feel we are falling short. But life is more complex than what we see online. Protect your mental wellbeing by being mindful about what you consume and taking breaks when needed.
Remember, what you see online is only part of the story and not the whole picture.
- Talk It Through
Some of these beliefs run deep and can be hard to shift on your own. That is where counselling can help.
In therapy, we create a calm and confidential space where you can explore your experiences, reconnect with your self-worth, and begin to view yourself with more understanding and acceptance.
Rebuilding Self-Worth Starts with Compassion—You Do Not Have to Do It Alone
If you have spent years feeling “not good enough,” it does not mean that it is true. It means that somewhere along the way, you were made to feel that way. But those beliefs are not set in stone—and with time and support, they can be rewritten.
If this blog resonates with you and you would like to explore how counselling could support you in rebuilding your sense of worth, you are very welcome to get in touch with me for an initial conversation. You can contact me through my enquiry page or directly at nicky@fairchildcounselling.co.uk
You do not have to do this alone. You already are enough—just as you are.